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I begin this discussion by addressing the male guests first, as they appear to have, in my opinion, a more obvious reaction fitting the summary. To them I suggest pretending that the spa visit/massage is like a first date that you don't want to go through "uncomfortably". To prevent your gun from discharging, try arriving with a virtually unloaded gun and an open, clean mind. Men already know that this is no "guarantee" but it helps prevent an unintended situation. You can't really relax with a "loaded gun" can you? It does not matter whether you think your therapist is attractive or not, whether you have a same-sex therapist and you are completely heterosexual or not, whether you have the opposite scenario, or whether there are any obvious indication of the therapist's sexual orientation. The parasympathetic brain will respond however it does in that moment and without your or your therapist's fault.
The discussion of the parasympathetic brain may answer some questions you have, give you a chuckle or two, but should essentially equip you with more acumen for your next "legal" pampering session. The parasympathetic or involuntary response you have to your therapist's touch can be scary, exciting, embarrassing, or frightening depending on you, your therapist, your view and understanding of massage, its benefits and the intent, skills and qualifications of the therapist.
If your therapist is a professional, he/she is well aware of the "parasympathetic stimulation" (involuntary stimulation) when you are being massaged. Most of us don't "freak out" when our client gets a hard on, although that was not the intent of our massage technique. I often say (when asked, and yes I have been asked countless times...LOL) that I expect it to happen. Why? Well, we are alive, sexual beings who respond to touch and external stimuli. You are being touched, hopefully lovingly, even if we're working on a knot, and even if sex is not on your or our minds, which hopefully is the case in your legal and professional setting. An erection, in the "involuntary brain" is the same as digestion. You can't control the stomach noises when you are hungry nor when your therapist works on some "trigger areas". So, we are gonna hear "stomach noises" even if you ate and/or already went to the bathroom; and equally, you are gonna feel stimulated possibly leading to an erection, sometimes even if "the gun was/is empty". Hence, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. DON'T FREAK OUT. DON'T TRY TO HIDE (which you can't unless you are prone or you took precautions when you turned over (supine), to position this muscle where your therapist is less likely to see it), AND MOST OF ALL, PLEASE, DON'T REACH FOR IT OR REQUEST THAT WE REACH FOR IT. At least in my practice, it's not that kind of place; and actually, that is illegal in so many ways! Don't draw our attention to it, whether you are being "funny" or not. I make note here also, that there may be the urge to grab at the therapist. You may need to pretend it's that stripper at the club dancing on your lap but you can't touch, or you get thrown out and still have to pay! Whoa, what an analogy! (giggles) Yes, please resist this urge, unless your therapist is your lover, etc., outside of the establishment. Sometimes, even if that is the case, please resist and don't compromise the establishment's business and change the flow of energy in your massage session. Someone will know! In this case, please "be selfish" and feel grateful that things inside you still work the way they should and mentally thank the therapist for reminding you of this. The work has been great and honorable in "unblocking" that channel for blood flow. Let's keep your massage session dignified and honorable for both parties.
So, what is the therapist's responsibility toward you in your vulnerable situation? Your "professional therapist" hopefully has had at least 100 hours of study in anatomy and physiology. Additionally, he/or she should have great "bedside manners" and genuine concern for the Being on the massage table. Your therapist should know this could happen, although not the intent of the massage, and hopefully in all maturity, will protect your dignity, drape you properly, and not draw attention to this on purpose. If your therapist discusses this issue in a non-professional and illegal manner, it may add to a potentially volatile situation. I have heard other therapists talk about advising their client to "breathe deeply", "go inward and see whether there is any "stagnation" or build up of tension anywhere in the body and "diffuse" it..." Whether this approach is right or wrong depends on the person. Personally, I say your hard-on or the lack there of, visual or hidden behind that bolster in the supine position, is not a muscle I was hired to pay attention to. It is illegal in my profession to address that muscle as part of my practice and I am not licensed to do otherwise. I understand it is a very natural thing, no big deal, (no pun intended...LOL), and I have other things I want to accomplish in "resetting" your Ki/Qi/Chi before the time runs out, so enjoy the feeling and take your gift with you to enjoy later if you must.
If you know each other and this is not your first time with the therapist (male or female), you might feel uncomfortable and make a joke or something. Fine by me. I might remind you to "just breathe" and that this is a perfect time to go into a meditation mode where you honor your body and mind in gratitude. This is "your moment" to be professionally pampered and rejuvenated "uninterrupted" and "without negative consequence". The fact that I am not thinking about giving you a hard-on, whether you have one or not, or that I am not there deliberately for any purpose relative to that muscle, in itself, should be comforting. You might be getting the massage to get away from the stress of your life. The last thing I want is to defeat that purpose by paying attention to this "involuntary response". Your only job in this moment is to breathe, providing your cells with well-needed oxygen, and to tell me nicely when you don't like something or that something feels uncomfortable. You are my "child, sister, mother, grandma, grandpa, esteemed king or queen" in this moment, whatever I sense that your spirit needs that I can skillfully provide. I find I mostly move from therapist-director/trigger touch, to a somewhat motherly touch...I think and am told in general....
Going into a meditative mode is very beneficial during your massage. It helps to settle the mind, get you grounded and centered, and allows for your whole Being to experience universal love without your having to do anything but be open to it. Everywhere else in your life, people want something. This is your escape, if just for an hour. So, practice 3-minute breathing exercises by inhaling short breaths and exhale longer ones. This is what I mean when I say please "focus on your breathing". Sometimes we don't realize in our daily routine, how much we hold our breath or breathe too fast, rushing around "in the air" trying to get things done. A focus on your breathing helps to bring you "back to earth". So inhale, counting to three, then exhale while counting to six in your mind. Notice whether this is too long of an exhale and drop the number. Increase the numbers as you get good practice. With this breathing and counting, notice how your heart slows down and the brain follows into relaxation. In turn the muscles relax and hence, no uncomfortable situation. You will get "distracted" by the amount of oxygen you find you now have in your system (may even feel a lil dizzy) and also by the thoughts rushing back in. Acknowledge those thoughts, but go right back to breathing and counting. This meditative habit could be used at home when you can't shut down and go to sleep, or when you are freaking out about that large presentation you have to give in front of that large crowd. Eventually, you become so relaxed that you go to sleep, i.e. if that is the objective.
Your professional therapist will continue working and not make a big deal about your involuntary responses. If you are uncomfortable that your therapist is working on your leg when something happens, kindly request that he/she works somewhere else, i.e. if they haven't taken the queue themselves and moved to another place until the blood flow moves elsewhere. This shows you understand your parasympathetic reaction and maintains respect for the craft. Some clients are very embarrassed if and when this happens. They wonder whether the therapist notices; what will they think, some are afraid to turn over. Some are more mortified with this scenario than if it's a fart they have to fight off. At least that could be humorous. Some, yes there are some, who are happy for it and think it's a compliment to the therapist and her work. Fine, as long as you keep this to yourself. On this note, legal, professional therapists are not fooled by the people who wonder what we look like and request a photo online prior to receiving service. If someone responds to my ad with a request for photo, I know they are not looking for what I'm offering. If you are seeking therapy, relaxation and relief from stress, you shouldn't care what the person looks like, but that they deliver good therapy, relaxation and relief from stress. I am not in the "fantasy" business in that sense, and equally, I don't care what my client looks like either. I am only there to give you a therapeutic massage, which I am highly competent at, and to get paid for such service in exchange. What I offer and what you came for is one and the same, a legal therapeutic massage. Just relax and allow me to skillfully do what it is I'm awesome at. Your professional therapist appreciates your situation and will handle it as a mature, loving Being. You will both leave the session with dignity intact and your privacy protected.
I mentioned those involuntary "stomach noises". The same suggestions apply. Expect it to happen whether you are hungry or not. Massage therapy puts the parasympathetic brain in full alert which speeds up the natural impulses and gets things going. Hence, digestion, among other natural impulses, as well as the energy channels which are anchored in the stomach, are being stimulated (solar plexus). Your Qi/chi/Ki (constitution) may be getting balanced in response to your loving therapist's skillful touch and positive energy. Just focus on your breathing! None of this is "abnormal" to your therapist. I am not thinking you are a weirdo or that you are hungry. I don't even care about that fart that escaped, but I will continue to pretend it didn't happen. However, if it's loud enough that both of us want to giggle (you lead depending on the moment/natural reaction) then all bets are off for a moment and I'll grab for the aromatherapy or air spray for both our sakes; but if it's silent, then just keep breathing. We know it is involuntary and a little embarrassing as most bodily functions are, especially when they happen and you are in a vulnerable position. You are in a "safe zone" in my care, where this is almost expected to happen, so be comforted and enjoy the therapy session. You came to "de-stress" not to "be stressed". Farts happen!
Now, on to the ladies' scenarios. Yes, the ladies do get "turned on" too during their massage session. Once again, it has very little or nothing usually to do with the therapist or whether you came with that intention. This is an involuntary reaction to stimuli, i.e. being touched, being massaged, feeling loved in that moment. You are being provided an opportunity to "reset" your body's "speed" by a skilled, calm, quiet, loving, caring professional who needs nothing from you in this moment but that you breathe, providing your body with personal care and speak up if anything feels uncomfortable. This is probably the one time you are being touched, somewhat intimately, where no demand is made of you personally to return the favor. The same scenarios mentioned above are possible with the female client. Whether she has a male, female, gay or straight therapist hardly matters. Whether it's a "hot girl" or "hot guy" therapist, doesn't matter. Your channels are being released and the parasympathetic brain has taken hold of you as you sink into relaxation. It is notably easier to hide your stimulation as a woman than it is for a man, so there is that advantage.
Women are more likely to have the involuntary moan, which may surprise them. Nothing to worry about. That would almost be like the lover who wants you to be quiet, when you probably didn't even know until after the fact that you made a sound. Emotional releases, for male and female, are mostly involuntary and part of the body's parasympathetic response. There is the danger/likelihood of transference during your massage, so be mindful and very grateful when your professional therapist simply continues with the objective of the massage session and ignores this. We hear you, much like we hear the snores, the yawns, the farts, the stomach noises, etc., but that is NOT why we are there and hence if we are grounded, committed and focused, we will simply keep on being a "conduit for loving universal energy" regardless of how your body interprets and receives it. I will not judge you, and am in no position to do anything but protect your dignity as I work to accomplish our therapeutic objective. This is not to say you should forget good manners and consideration for your therapist and behave in a way equivalent to being rude to a service person. We are humans too and you are in a very vulnerable position. As we are conduits to and from the universe, so are you and what you give off in and after this session.
My direction at the beginning of every session is that: "If at any time anything feels uncomfortable, please let me know." This could be any "uncomfortable" feeling. Maybe I need to stop moving my hands that way or go work somewhere else for a bit then return if I sense my "mission in that area was not accomplished or was delayed". Please speak up! I don't know what you are feeling when I do what I do. I just know that my hands convey love, my intuition indicated there was a need in that area and my energy went there in response to yours, so as to provide therapy. Sometimes your body asks for more pressure when you can't handle it. Sometimes you have "emotional breaks" causing my hands to work fast or slow or go directly to that spot that has been bugging you. This is "energy movement", which I am usually very connected to and which is not always understood. This type of "intuition" cannot be taught. You nor I don't always know why I went directly to that spot, but it brings relief you have been begging for all week and that's all that really matters. PLEASE KNOW THAT IF MY TREATMENT CAUSED YOU TO BE AROUSED, THAT THIS WAS NOT MY INTENT AND HONESTLY, I WOULD BE MORTIFIED IF I KNEW YOU TOOK IT THAT WAY.
Sometimes clients don't want to go back to that therapist, although other than the arousal, everything was great. Maybe the feelings were strong and overwhelming for you...sometimes for the therapist too, who must maintain professionalism and deal with this "self care" later. If you understand parasympathetic stimulation in massage, you will understand the difference between when you are being touched for sexual pleasure and when you are not. If when you involuntarily moan, your therapist responded and started to coach you to give more, then it's time to stop the session. The lines have been crossed into a different direction, as your therapist did not need to respond while in session and feed that channel. I have massaged people who transferred so much "energy" during the session, that at the end, I wanted to cry (in sadness, joy, or for no known reason), was confused, light and loving like a child, light and empty (as if sucked by an energy vampire), angry without knowing why, motherly, godlike or "queenly", sometimes extremely shy (my natural nature, which you wouldn't believe if you met me) like a little girl with her eyes affixed to her shoes as we part ways. All of this happen, even though I am very in tune with my own body and its needs during the session and have openly breathed my way through, thus allowing for the "exit of all energies" through to the universe. Some things will still get stuck to "the conduit," much as some of my energy will get stuck to you too. When you part from your sessions, do you feel a healthy, peaceful, loving, grateful connection to your therapist, for the work, how you feel and how your therapist respectfully handled you? If it was almost like a spiritual dance, then you are connected to the true self of that person even with the universal overtones. Much the same, a client or two may have come in with a headache or a cold and by the end of my day, it manifests in me. It is my responsibility to do self care at the end of each day and while away from my work so as to be fresh, grounded and stronger for the next day of massaging and attending to clients' needs.
Some female clients prefer having a female therapist, and likewise, some male therapists prefer female therapists. This is a personal choice. Personally, I am very reluctant to accept massages from male therapists, based on my own experiences with some. However in either scenario, parasympathetic stimulation must happen unless you are dead. I know, and as long as I am not expected "to perform" at any point before or after the massage session, I am o.k. with being aroused...as long as it was involuntary and not the intent of the therapist. If you don't know the difference and something feels weird, ask your therapist why they touched you there, and listen for a therapeutic answer. Don't assume anything. Sometimes we know what we are doing feels good. We equally like our feet or our backs rubbed that way. We also know the anatomy and what channels are being stimulated and what therapeutically is happening with the body when we touch that spot. So, we might linger there for a bit, sometimes not enough for some, sometimes too much. However, we are going (well at least I am) from my intuition and focus on what "your energy" (your body) says it needs, and not with purposeful sexual stimulation in mind.
Maybe you are not stimulated sexually! Maybe you are in pain! SPEAK UP! Sometimes, I can tell that the pressure is too much because the client is holding their breath or the body "twitches" or some other. It's again the scenario where the muscle is asking for more and you, the person, can't handle it. I will ask, "how's the pressure here?"; are you OK with this pressure?, etc., and 8 out of 10 times the client says "yes" everything is o.k. I know, from what I feel, that you are "saving face", but I also know that maybe you can handle a little bit more to accomplish what I am trying to accomplish, which is relief and enough blood circulation in that area so that you'll feel the relief later. Knots are sometimes tricky. I am a very strong woman and I do work very hard for you, but I don't want to hurt you. Pain does not equate relaxation for a majority, in which case you should have gone to that other place with the whips, chains and bone-fragmented staff.
If I aroused you as a result of my techniques, please address it with me, especially if you felt anything was inappropriate. Sometimes, based upon our history, we tend to respond to things differently. I don't know you are a rape survivor. I don't know you have molestation issues. I don't know you equate being touched with sexual performance requirement. I only know what you have told me and that you have employed me to relieve stress, attend to an injury, give you relaxation and rejuvenation and help you be a healthier person. I know my job and work hard to do this for and with you. Maybe my massages, for you, need to be tailored differently. Don't write me off, jump to conclusions (male or female), and stop coming because what you are thinking might not be truth. Please know that your indicated purpose for coming in for service is at the forefront of my mind and thoughts and application of therapy at every instance. Going home with a little "loving" feeling is natural as my work in stimulating movement inside your tissues and channels take effect. I have a clean mind and clean body and no sexual thoughts as I work on you. It's strictly professional--Made me think of that "stripper on the pole" analogy again. I only want you to honor me with your payment for services, your gratuities, referrals and your returns. These are the biggest compliments to me, my craft and chosen career, and I am privileged and grateful for being that conduit you trust for your universal rejuvenation. I'm kinda like "mamma's love" to a "child"....nothing more. Trust that and enjoy your parasympathetic brain.
JL Campbell is a CAMTC Certified, Licensed, Therapeutic-Based Massage Therapist and Owner of Health Conscious Spa & Wellness, which will reopen shortly in Sherman Oak, CA. Currently, practice is independent "in/out" private, legal and professional, and as needed at a local spa. Please visit http://www.healthconsciousspa.com/ for massage and body scrub descriptions, hours of operation, travel requirements for out calls and pricing.
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